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In this collection of essays, I used a mix of memoir and research to try and produce clear writing about some of the messy, complicated, and fascinating people in my life. I wanted to know why I hated my own brain for so many years and I wanted to know why my older brother believes that he is the reincarnation of Jesus Christ. In order, I wrote about neurofeedback training, crystal healing therapies, ultradistance bike racing, documentary film making, and teen suicide. Though the essays touch on a wide variety of different subjects, they all revolve around the theme of control. What does it mean to try and control your body or your spirit? Your mind? What are the consequences of these strivings? This collection of essays doesn’t attempt to answer these questions, but rather to reflect on how control has manifested itself in my life and in the lives of those I care about.
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